Detour
by LexieAnge
Summary: There  he was. Maker save her. Alexander Cullen! Why wasn't he at the Circle in Ferelden? Why was he here back here in her life? Maybe he forgot her. Maybe he didn't want it leaked that he loved a Mage. This tugged at her heart making her ache.
1. Chapter 1

Detour

AN:I am fully aware that this doesn't fit time line wise. it is just a detour from "only they know" I did write it as 3am while i was waiting for the fade to take me.

Chapter 1

There he was. Maker save her. Alexander Cullen! Why wasn't he at the Circle in Ferelden? Why was he here back here in her life?

The Knight-captain Cullen pointed hit blade at a sickly knight that reminded Hawke of Wesley before he died. This was the Templar she was sent to find. Why did you have to deal with Cullen too?

"Lead on Hawke." Her eyes grew wide as she remembered that Fenris, her white haired warrior elf and current lover, stood beside her as she confronted her ex-lover. His frown deepened when she turned back to him. "Hawke?"

Of all the fates. Really Cullen?

"No. I can do this. He is only a Templar." She said taking Fenris' hand for a moment. As if his cool skin could shock her back to the moment. "Here we go." With that Hawke, Fenris, Varric, and Aveline moved in to talk to the knights.

They were forced to kill the new Templar for turning into an abomination. An abomination? How did a man with no magic become a malificarum?

"Thank you for your help, Serah..." Maybe he forgot her. Maybe he didn't want it leaked that he at one time loved a Mage. This tugged at her heart making her ache to see if he remembered those four years.

"Serah Alexandra Hawke. Scion on the Hawke and Amell families." She smiled. Two could play at that game. "You are?"

"Knight-captain Alexander Cullen." Oh Maker his voice was so deep now. He was a skilled warrior. As well as strong. Damn him for coming back now.

As they discussed things as if he had no knowledge of what she was Fenris moved closer to her. The longer they stayed the more likely it was for the Mage hating Templar to figure out what she was. Fenris could feel it in her muscles. He needed to get her out of there.

The only good thing that had come out of Anders was the knowledge of how Templars find and capture apostates. It was not just her blood in a tiny vial that could do it. It was also the lyrium. Something a kin to what the Grey Wardens used to sense Darkspawn. Fenris too disliked mages but there was something about this Mage that drove his blood wild as well as stopped the pain.

Cullen wanted the pain in his heart to stop. How could she forget him? Some of the best years of his life were spent in Lothering. The years he spent with the blue eyed teen were burnt into his soul. He would never forget her as she seemed to forget him. He would not forget the romps through the forest, the rolls in the hay or the training they went through trying to protect the other.

Alexa, as her mother called her, was a mage. Cullen could sense it clear as day back then. Not so much now. Somehow she had gotten better at hiding. No normal Templar could sense it. Cullen had a gift that no other Templar seemed to have. He could sense the Fade. His father has said it was a maker given gift. The first time he realized what it was they were 14 and 16. Hawke shone like the stars when he looked at her. Now not so much. She was staying well hid.

All the power to you, he thought. He would not see her new life destroyed because of him. Part of him still loved the girl in Hawke. The other part of him knew, from the glare the elf was giving him, that she was in love with someone far more likely to protect her.

Cullen resolved himself to speak with the elf, alone, to confirm that she was safe. For right now he had to go report back to the Commander.

As they parted Fenris saw a tear fall down her face and was resolved to ask her about it later. This Templar was something different.

Hawke normally spoke in an arrogant voice around Templar but this time she was calm, even tempered, even pleasant to the potential threat. She was being too trusting. What was this man to her?

"Hawke what was that about?" She turned not seeing him. "Hawke?" That unnerved Fenris. His Hawke never looked so blankly at anything. "Alexandra!"

"Fenris?" The smile she faked gave him more cause for concern. "We should head home now. It is getting late and it is a long walk back to town."

"Want me to find out whatever I can about this knight?" Varric had seen it too. Hawke was out of it. This was not a good state to be in in the city of Templars. Let alone crazy Templars.

"Yes. We need to know if he is a threat to our Hawke." Varric began to follow the knight while Aveline and Fenris followed Hawke.

Once in High town, Ave left for the barracks. Fenris took a now jumpy Hawke all the way to her room at her house. Leandra opened the door to a hug.

"What is this about?" Hawke refused to let go of her mother. "Ser Fenris?"

"We met up with a Templar named Cullen." Leandra's eyes got nearly as wide as Hawke's. "He did not harm her but she has been in this state since the meeting. Do they know each other from Lothering?"

"Yes. Come in Ser. I will fix her some milk tea then have Orana put her to bed. Then I will tell you about it." Leandra said taking her daughter to the kitchen. Fenris closed and locked the door behind him. Double checking to make sure that they were not being followed. Then moved to the kitchen.

"Should not your daughter tell me?" The look the mother gave him took him by surprise. In all the years that Fenris had known the family never never had Leandra Hawke showed a face so twisted with hate. It was something that Hawke herself would have teased him over when he spoke of Danarius. What did this Templar do to his Hawke.

The milk tea that Fenris has seen Leandra give Hawke was laced with Elfroot and a single bud of deathroot. Not even the most skilled herbologist could brew something that did not kill using deathroot yet here it was a sleeping tea.

"You are as talented as your daughter. I am surprised that Elegant hasn't tried to hire you. You could make a fortune with that." Fenris said after he carried his Hawke to her bed chambers.

"Leave your flattery for my daughter." Leandra sat at the table across from him. "Fenris I know that Alexa loves you a great deal and I am happy to welcome you into the family. There is something that you should know. This is something that my daughter would never tell you herself."

"Go ahead." Fenris stiffened.

"Four years before Malcolm was taken from us the Cullen family came to Lothering. There was just Ser Thomas, Adrianna and Alexander. Thomas was a Templar in training stationed in town to complete his training. Malcolm thought it great sport to befriend a Templar."

"That sounds very like Hawke." Fenris smirked. Leandra smiled. "I would have liked to meet her father. I think i would have liked him."

"He would have hated you. At that time he would have done anything for his children. However giving Alexa up to a man that wasn't himself was unthinkable. She was Daddy's little mage girl. Then Alexa got pregnant by Alexander."


	2. Chapter 2

Hawke pregnant?

Leandra took a long pause. Fenris was a more than unnerved by this news. If not for the fact that it should be coming from Hawke herself but the fact that he had wanted to be the father of her children. This Templar had been her first love.

"I don't think that Alexa knew. She was fairly young and not as proficient with healing magics as she is now. Malcolm did everything he could when he found out. We took the healer, we knew would keep our secret, to go talk to the Cullens without her." Another pause.

"Take your time Leandra. I'm not going to leave. No matter what you tell me. I love your daughter." The woman smiled through the tears. It was not a lie. There was no way that Fenris could live without this family.

Leandra treated him as a son despite his race. Hawke had made him feel loved, wanted but without ordering him as his master. When Carver was alive they had even done some training and what Hawke called Male Bonding. The Hawke family had been through enough pain to last a life time. Fenris would not add to it.

"Continue when you are ready." Fenris took a sip of the coffee that Leandra had offered.

"The healer told The Cullens that Alexa was pregnant. Arianna was ecstatic. Thomas made reluctant plans to we'd the children before the baby came. Then Alexander said, 'Since Lexie is a Mage will the baby one too?'" Of all the things to say, he went for the one that would cause the most issues. "I don't blame him for the battle that ensued but I do fear that he could let it slip here."

"I know that this is going to be hard but I need details of the battle." He was now on the edge of his seat torn between going to Hawke and going to kill Cullen.

"Thomas drained Malcolm right there, then went for a sword. He should have already known my husband used a sword before he ever used his magic. That did not stop them. Malcolm tried to stop Thomas. Somehow they landed outside as Alexa walked up to the house."

"Father told me to run. To take Bethany away." They turned to Alexa at the door. She looked much more calm now. Even a little rested.

"Alex ran to me as I cast, what healing I knew, but his father got to me first. I saw my father call out to me as our mothers screamed." She sat next to her mother. "Ser Cullen, the older, attempted to cut down his own son. The problem was that we had been secretly training outside town."

"Thomas had put his sword right through her belly. I watched my daughter dying and could do nothing. Alexander took Malcolm's sword doing the same to his father after a fairly lengthy swordplay." Hawke took her mother's hand. "Malcolm was never able to let a person die if he could help it so he downed a bottle then attempted to heal Thomas as the healer finally made it to Alexa." Leandra choked. Fenris took her other hand. "None of us knew what happened until Alexa was healed enough that she was safe."

"I remember crawling to my father to find a dagger in his heart. Ser Cullen's hand still on the blade as Father's hand was in the man's chest. He had done something similar to what you do. They killed each other." Hawke hugged her mother close as they cried.

"So Cullen, the younger, is a great swordsman. I promise when he becomes a threat I will protect you."

"I don't think that he will." Tears fell from her face too. The idea of watching her first love and last love battling over her was not something that she wanted to see. "Upon seeing what Ser Cullen had done to my father the healer turned to blood magic. She killed Alex's mother on the spot."

"It is the Templars that should be eradicated not the mages. Even their spawn." Leandra said through the sobs. Fenris could never see things that way.

"That is what the healer said. It took all I had left to save Alex. It was the last straw. I lost the baby in that attack. Alex dropped with me. That was the last time I saw him until today. Now I know what happened to him."

"We should ask him what he plans to do. People do change. It's been what 10 years?" Fenris was always the voice of reason. It was true. And he was a Templar now. The training could have brain washed him against her. The addiction could make a man do so many wrong things.

"Maybe. But not tonight." She looked away. "I bet you want to go home." Fenris pulled away from the table. "You don't need to stay if you don't want to. I will understand."

"This is a ridiculous time to talk like that. You and you mother are my family. Despite the fact that I have never met your father or was there when this all happened I can understand how you are feel. Tonight if you will allow me I will be here in case you need me." Hawke looked up at him loving him more now than she ever had.

"I love you Fenris." He bent to kiss her.

The next morning Fenris followed Hawke to The Hanged Man. Not surprising Varric already had information for Fenris. So as the girls went to get Merril, Varric went over everything that he knew. Anders just happened to walk in as the conversation. The blond Mage heard "he was at the circle in Fereldan since he was 17."

"Are we talking a mage?" Anders asked.

"No. There is a Templar here that knows that Hawke is a Mage. Turns out she is the reason that he become a Templar. The story going around is that he was involved with a Mage take down that went bad."

"Not surprising." Fenris glared at the Mage to shut him up. "I am just saying."

"Don't. The take down was for Hawke and her family. That is how her father was killed." Fenris said. Varric's information had been vague but it made sense. Anders was just going to make this worse. Fenris thought. "Hawke needs to take Merril to the keeper today."

"I am with you Fenris. She is my best friend." Varric say standing up. "Probably not a good idea that we take you Anders."

"I don't want to go there. You should invite him here. Justice wants a piece of the action too." Anders took a sip of the ale that was there. Varric chuckled at the face the Mage made.

"I would not see you go Justice on this Templar if you didn't have too. I think Hawke still feels for this man."

"Ser Varric?" The newest waitress knocked on the door. "The bar keep that you said you will want to know if a Ser Cullen came in the bar." The other men turned to him. "He's here asking for you."

"What you think that I wasn't going to hit him up for work? I didn't know half of this before you got here with her. I had no idea that this could be half as bad as you are telling me."

"Liar." Anders say glaring. "How do you want this to go down?"

"Don't come out unless you hear me call you." The elf and dwarf left the room. Anders waited two minutes before following them.

"Did Alexa tell you what happened that day?" Cullen slumped to a table. They said nothing. "How close are you?"

"Close enough to worry if you are going to be a threat to her life now." Varric said. "Everyone of us loves her in their own way. That is all that you need to know."

"She was my world. Part of me would like her to be but I have seen the way you looked at me yesterday, elf, told me that was never going to happen. She calmed at your touch. Your voice alone made her sigh." None of the men moved. Anders stood by the hearth.

"My Lexie died when her father died. She became Hawke. Never a more able woman you will find." That is what Fenris said when he met her. "Seems wrong to tell her new lover that. I will not give up her secret. In fact I will throw you all work."

"I thought I had you figured out." Varric laughed. "As long as our dear girl doesn't end up in robes I will be happy." Fenris nodded to that.

"Hawke is not made for the circle."


	3. Chapter 3

Detour

Chapter 3

Hawke was not made for the circle. That seemed the understatement of the year. Cullen didn't care. It was the truth. She would be a welcome addition to the Circle but her rebellious spirit would have her tranquil in months. She would make the fairest, most skilled Templar the order had ever known if she wasn't a Mage. She would make a great mother and wife if she wasn't Fade bent on risking her life every time she walked out the door.

Some how Fenris, the elf, was ok with that. Had he never seen her on the brink of death? Had he never seen her let a drop fall as she berated herself for not being enough?

Cullen had seen it. Cullen had lived it. It drove his every day movement. He would never fail another apostate as he failed her.

"Cullen?" Hawke stood outside the door of the bar as he came out. Aveline the guard captain and a know raider hanging off her arms. Another elf trailed behind her. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you. I have a job for you. Meet me at my office in 10 minutes." Ten? What was he saying? He wouldn't even be there. "It's a two sword job so bring your's."

"You go ahead girls." Hawke didnt seem sure about the situation. "I will talk to our knight captain about the job then be back." She said pulling her arms free from her friends. "Oh and tell the boys where I am. If I need you look for my tell."

Cullen started to walk towards high town. The barracks was the last place he would take her. Home. The home he bought for the family he was looking at building. Yes. There was the only proper place. That nosey dwarf didn't know where that was.

"My house is right here. We can go in to talk about it." Hawke offered.

"Huh?" He had been so caught up in where he was going he forgot she was with him. "Oh here." Cullen opened the door that was next to her's.

In the time that Hawke had her family mansion she had never seen who her neighbors were. Cullen had opened the door walking in as if he owned the place. That would explain much about the lack of people on her street.

"Cullen?" He waved her in. A elvan maid hurried through the kitchen door. An elvan man walked up.

"We were not expecting you home so soon Ser. Is there anything you need?" The elf spoke with an Antivan accent.

"Please take Ser Hawke to my study. I shall be right there." The elf gestured in the direction of the stairs. Hawke followed obediently. Now what?Hawke was in his house.

"What is you name?" She asked the elf. The elf turned back as if it was an odd question. Fenris used to give her looks like that. It was easier for Fenris to recover. This elf just stared at her.

"His name is Zaren. He is my butler. His sister Xana is the cook. I found them starving outside Lothering." Hawke let Cullen walk past her. "Zaren can you get some food up here? Thank you." The elf vanished.

"What is it that you wanted Alex?" Cullen turned to her. Hawke just stood there hands over her chest. It was just like when they were young. "What is so funny?"

"I never thought that I would ever see you again but here you are just as I left you." Her glare just bore right through him. "Would we be together if I had stayed to protect your family?"

"I don't have time for what if's. You of all people should know that."

"I take it back. You are not the same girl I knew back then." Cullen slump into her favorite chair. He had it bought the year he came. It was the only piece that was left when he sold the house.

"Damn right I am not. You left. I lost the baby, my father and my best friend. I was forced to grow up to support my family. I didn't really know that much about my gifts until I got here. My Father's books only got me so far." She signed.

"Lexie?"

"I used to think it would be great if I found you. I used to think about leaving my family. Every time I nearly bite it I think would it have been better if you and I had never met." Cullen shot to his feet. He knew this side of her. This was the side that doubted every choice she had made.

"Then there are times that want someone to take care of me for a change. I am getting sick of all this."

"Trust me Lexie. When you come here I will take care of you." Cullen took hold of her arms. "I owe you a great deal."

"I'm hearing that a lot as of late. I am really hoping for some pay back soon." Cullen laughed. That was his girl. That is right Hawke was his. Or she would be again.


	4. Chapter 4

Detour Chapter 4

That is right. Hawke was his girl.

That was the last thing she should have been thinking about. There was no job which meant no money. But hey there was another man that was willing to give her the world. Why did she have to find Cullen again just when she had given up on him?

Everyone backed away from her as she stormed into Varric's room. She marched right up to Fenris, pulled him from his seat then kissed him hard. Why?

She didn't understand but he seemed to. Fenris cupped her face. "Whatever you need to do. I will follow you." Hawke jumped into his arms on the edge of tears. Her chest hurt, head throbbed, while the arms around her held her lightly.

"I really don't deserve you." He smirked making her kiss him lightly.

"I put a lot from you Mage." She laughed. "I will always be here for you. Even if you are an evil apostate."

Days passed with no word from Cullen. The few times that they had to go to the Gallows she would see him by the stairs talking to new recruits. She never stopped to say anything.

"You haven't even said boo to him in a week. Are you sure that you are okay with this?" Leandra asked.

"Mother I spent the last decade not even thinking about him. I am not going out of my way to spend time with him. I am in love with Fenris."

"There is so much to say to each other." Why was she pushing this?

"Nope. He said his peace. He wants me back. I said I am with Fenris now. I know that Fenris won't have to decide between his duty and his heart."

"Will Cullen not be forced to leave the order if he marries you?"

"Templars can marry, Mother. Don't you remember Ser Wesley. The problem would be the addiction. Plus if it was ever found out that I am a Mage he would have to watch me be tortured. Then he would be to 'break the demon's hold'. There is no way that I will that happen." Leandra gasped. "Which one do you want me to marry? The one that will keep us safe or the one that would be a threat forever?" There was no reason for her to be angry with her mother but she was.

"Which one makes you happy?"

Hawke gazed at her mother. Fenris made her heart skip with his strength, the way he smiled at her. Just the way he says that he would never leave her makes her feel safe. Hawke knows that he means every word. Nothing short of final death would take Fenris from her. She was able to relax around him. The only problem was that he was an elf. Any family that they had would be shunned in Kirkwall.

Cullen made her feel as if the bad things in the past had not happened. That some how they had gone back in time. That they had just picked up after one of their fights. The only problem was that he was a Templar. She would never be safe. Yet the young lady that she had been surpressing was allowed to come out with him.

"Both." Leandra pulled her daughter in. "Fenris is my grown up love. Cullen is my child love. That part of me will not die until I have done everything I wanted as a girl."

"That was my issue. Your father was my grown up love. The lord I was to marry was my childhood sweet heart. We were to marry but then your father came a long to help tutor me. The sessions that we had."

"Mother!" Leandra laughed.

"If I have to listen to you and Fenris then you can hear about how much I loved your father." Hawke covered her face with her hands. "I was pregnant with you when Ser Carver helped us out of the city." Hawke had never thought about their escape from Kirkwall. With Cullen knowing her secret maybe she should ask her mother how they got out. Mind you Anders had his ways too.

"Mother it may come that we are going to leave Kirkwall. I am not sure that I trust him."

"When that days comes Cullen will get a piece of my mind." Why did it sound like she had a speech ready for the Templar? "The Maker gave us the ability to learn from the past." Hawke nodded. That was how she was so good at killing now. How would the righteous Templar react to that? "We were also given the ability to forgive and forget."

The ability to forgive and forget. Could Hawke forget his vanishing act? Or forgive herself for the death of her family? At least for tonight she could. Wrapped in the arms of her Champion she could feel the last 25 years were a nightmare. All her friends joked, sang, danced as if tomorrow was never going to come.

They had faced down some Qunari and yet lived. Hawke had made the mistake of predicting that the problem with them was going to hit the fan soon. That made people panic.

That was when Cullen walked into the room. There was sudden silence. Hawke opened her eyes to see the Templar glaring down at her. "What can I do for you Cullen?"

"We have a lead on the missing Templars. I need you to come with me." The Templar said.

"Where are we going?" Hawke stood up.

"The blooming rose." She frowned at the Templar deeper. "There is a woman there that I understand both men frequent. I need you to come talk to her."

"You could have just sent a runner. I would be delighted to go into the den of sin for you. You don't need to be there."

"The less people know about missing Templars the better. It will just you and I. I know that I can trust you, Lexie." Anders, Varric, and Fenris sat at attention. All for different reasons, that only they really knew.

"Alright." She moved back to Fenris. He knew that look. It was her I'm sorry. Look. "Don't wait up." She kissed her elf. "I love you."

"I know. I will be at my mansion should you need me." He stood up. Their foreheads touching the whole time. "I meant what I said before."

"You are too good to me. Don't let Isabela spoil you while I am gone." Isabela protested as Fenris took the woman he loved in his arms to kiss her hard in front of the Templar.

"Hurry back." Hawke followed Cullen out.

Neither said a word the whole way there. Or when they got there. Or when Cullen shut and locked the door to an empty bedroom. Hawke knew this was coming. "Cullen is this really needed. You could have just taken me home."

There was a woman's voice giggling. "Not every day a Templar brings a recruit to watch me." The thin woman gave Hawke an odd vibe. "So Ser Templar is she going to watch or join?" Jealousy sprang it's ugly head as the whore touched Cullen. "Or is she the one that I am going to do?"

"Do me. He can watch as we enjoy ourselves." Hawke purred. Cullen cleared his throat. "See him be aroused at the mere thought."


	5. Chapter 5

Detour

Chapter 5

Yes he was aroused. What man wouldn't be at the thought of two gorgeous women making love? At the same time he was incredible jealous watching Hawke with someone not himself. And the words he wanted to describe the way he felt was out of reach.

The look in Hawke's eyes told him to trust her.

That just lead to move questions in Cullen's mind. How she knew to make love to a woman so well? Had she tured to women to get over him? Was this just for show?

The whore moaned uncontrollably. Hawke just smiled. This was killing him. It was a good thing that Isabela was so forward. Hawke had no idea where to start if not for her pirate friend. Hawke beckoning Cullen to the bed. There she would release his tension. That was if what Isabela said was true with him.

There they both undressed him. He felt worshipped as the ancient kings and magisters must have. Hawke kissed him as the whore wrapped her lips around him. He fell back on to the pillow. Before he knew it the women were fighting on who would take him in.

Hawke gave way letting the whore do so first. She then moved to his ear. "Do you remember how you used to make me pass out?" He nodded slightly suddenly flipping the woman.

It was Hawke's turn to watch as her ex-lover made the other woman scream. There was no way that she would could forget the power he put into his thrusts.

Just watching him, with the whore, was enough to make her body explode into colors. This woman was enjoying it more than Hawke had ever. Hawke's empathy told her that. This woman could change her religion from the sex that she was experiencing right now. When the woman passed out Hawke pulled him back.

"Perfect." She purred in his ear as she began to tie the woman to the bed. Cullen retreated to his chair where he had started the night. "You may have converted her." Hawke joked.

"She is not the one I would like to convert." He whispered, getting a frown from Hawke.

"You know I will never join the circle. I don't care if I am shunned for the rest of my life."

Cullen sighed. No matter how much he would want her there she would never be next to him. "Come here." Hawke could see that he was still hard. When she was happy with the tying job she had done Hawke did do as he asked.

"So my dear Templar what would you like from this humble servant of the Maker?" Hawke barely knew what happened when Cullen took hold of her legs. What she did know was that he was inside her. She straddled the chair arms as he pulled them together. Not too long after he started Hawke was calling Fenris's name.

"Oh please don't stop." She begged.

"How will your lover, Fenris, feel about this?" Cullen asked as she lowered herself on to his erection.

"Fenris seems to understand." Why did he stop? Just as she was getting into it? "He told me to do what I needed."

"Then why call his name when I am inside you?" Hawke paled. She hadn't realized she had done it. It took Fenris weeks to tell her that she called Cullen's name. However in the same was the case with Fenris. More than once Hadriana's name crossed his lips when Hawke was doing something he didn't like.

"I am sorry Cullen." His heart stopped. She used his given name when they were not with her friends. Why didn't she say it now? "Maybe she should begin the questioning." Cullen pulled Hawke in for a passionate kiss.

"Not yet." His swollen member filled her to over flowing. She began to move on him making him moan. "Oh how I have missed your body around me." She smiled. Hawke was now with him and only him.

Eventually they made it to the floor where their moans woke the whore on the bed.

"He must have really enjoyed that." She said as they lay in the after glow. "So what is next?"

"We ask you about Karran." Cullen stood to dress but froze. "Unless you would like out." Hawke snapped her head to the Templar. Cullen was moving towards the whore with her dagger. Hawke turned her gaze to the whore feeling the magic wrap around her mind.

"Let go of my Templar." Hawke said through clenched teeth. "He is mine."

"How-" The woman's eyes grew large. "Oh shit." Cullen shook his head. "Please don't kill me. I was just doing what I was told." The whore begged.

"She is all yours." Hawke finished getting dressed. He drained all the magic in the area making Hawke feel sick. "I wish you would have waited for me to be out of the room."

"No time for that."

Hawke and Cullen took the whore to the tower. The knight-commander did seem to enjoy that there was a lead. That it was a Mage fueled her Mage hatred. Hawke smiled to herself as she left the tower. She needed to get Anders in the same room as the knight-commander. She wondered where that would go as she headed home. It was close to dawn.

Hawke's whole body ached in a good way. It was a long time since the last time that had happened. Hawke loved Fenris so why was making love to Cullen so amazing?


	6. Chapter 6

Detour

Chapter 6

The sex had been amazing. After Cullen got her to think of him. So why the guilt on his mind? Her hands in his hair. Hawke's legs around his waist.

"Knight-Captain, you have a visitor." His assistant said. This was a welcome distraction.

"Send them in." The woman that walked in was prim, proper in her circle robes. This was not the woman he wanted to see but she was beautiful. Though she was familiar.

"My name is Magdelena Toren." What a pretty name. He thought. "Do you remember who I am?" No but he didn't care. There were other large chested mages on his mind.

"What can I do for you Sister?" Cullen sat back in his chair.

"This is all new to me but I have to thank you. Had you and that woman come last night I would not be free on the mind control." This was the whore? Wow she cleaned up. Cullen thought. "I expected to see that woman when I woke up. She is quite strong. I was hoping that she would teach me how to protect myself."

"The woman you met last night is not a mage in the circle." Beautiful and intelligent just like Hawke. Though her beauty seemed more skin deep. Magdelena did appear to want to change that. Hawke was not the only one that could read people. "She was on loan. Don't expect to see her. Don't talk about her to anyone."

"Understood." The door locked from across the room. "She is not really the one that I want to talk about but she seems to be a central part of your life."

"Magdelena-"

"Call me Maggie."

"Maggie, that woman at one point was my wife. Our marriage was annulled when I become a templar. She will always be a large part of my life." Cullen half lied. Maker forgive him.

"That was not the love making of a married couple. I was in the business of sex. You were once lovers but that was a very long time ago. I would dare to say that it was when you were both young. You make love like a teen still." That Cullen could understand. Hawke had been his first. Maggie here had been his second.

"She is in love with another. That is a shame if you really still love her. You should cut yourself off from her. It will just hurt you in the mean time." Maggie moved around his desk.

"Maggie." Cullen warned.

"The Maker sent you to me. Why?" Maggie as on his desk. Her feet were on either side of his legs. "It is just a thought. Cullen all I ask is that you think about me if you need grown up time." She leaned into him. "I would love to show you some things. I could make you even better." Then she just walked away.

Cullen just stared at the door. Alexandra Hawke. Maggie Toren. He was starting a interesting collection of mages. All of them gorgeous, wise, intelligent woman. If his vows would allow he would take one as his wife. If Hawke would agree he would take her. Only one thing stood in his way.

Fenris.

Fenris was not in her bed when she got home. No one was awake in the mansion. Hawke just made her way up to her room. There she collapsed on her bed. Never again. Was her last thought before the fade took her.

She enjoyed the silence of the fade. After all these years this was her solitude. No one asking her to kill dragons. No one demanding that she do things more dramatically. No one asking her to love them against what her own mind said to her. There was nothing but silence. Some times that was a blessing like tonight. It was shattered by the growl of an elf. Her elf.

"Fenris?" She sighed.

"A Templar raid on the Blooming Rose? That is what he wanted you to do?" The anger that Fenris seemed to be fueled with was part directed to her. Probably only because she was in company of the enemy for most of the night.

"What of it? It was a long night." She rolled to lay her head on his lap. "Cullen kept me busy."

"I can tell you smell of him." Hawke's eyes shot open. Half afraid of what Fenris was going to do. "Did you find the Templars?"

"Yes and no." She sat up. "Varric is going to love this story. See out of the 7 missing Templars only 2 were really missing. One of those two, Cullen was going to kill the day we met him. The other was frequenting a whore that was a Mage."

"Is that why the Templars went in there at dawn pulling out 4 female mages?" Hawke had been sleeping at the time so she didn't know about that. "As the dwarf would tell you there were a total of 6 people pulled out of there this morning. All mages." She was sudden worried if Cullen had enough sleep. Hawke most certainly did not.

The other part of her was glad that Cullen sent her home before the raid. All of her wished she had taken a bath when she got home. That would have been just lying to Fenris and there was reason to do that. He pushed her off his lap.

"Did you sleep with him before or after the raid?" There was a dark anger in his voice. "I know is said do what you need to do but I never thought that it would be sex."

"There is no excuse for this I know. Right now I feel horrible. A man is being held hostage. I sent free mages to a fate worse than prison. Everything I helped happen at the Rose is going to cause so much hatred and hurt."

"Why do you care so much for mages that were going against Chantry law?" Fenris asked.

"Because I am one of them." With that Fenris threw up his hands leaving.


	7. Chapter 7

Detour

Chapter 7

Cullen was so angry about The Blooming Rose that he sent her home. When she got there Fenris wasn't there. A sign that he too was angry with her. Anders was going to loose control of Justice when he found out. Isabela and Varric were going to be disappointed that they missed all the action. Only Merril was happy with her as Hawke walked into the Hanged Man.

"Alexandra Hawke what were you thinking running off with the Templar last night?" Aveline gave her best authority voice. It ended up sounding like a mother's voice. "What if he handed you over?"

"Ave-"

"Don't you dare. You should think of Leandra. What would happen to her if it was found out that you were a Mage?" Aveline was pulled away by Anders.

"You are a fool woman." The Mage cast a healing spell on her. "More so that you don't hide it."

"Anders they were all blood-"

"They are still mages. You shouldn't have gotten involved." His eyes release blue smoke. "He can't be that good." Hawke looked to the floor.

"She has been shamed enough." They all turned to Cullen at the door. "Here is your reward for your work last night." The heavy bag of sovereigns clinked to the table. "There is the 30 sovereigns that we agreed on." Hawke passed the bag to Varric. "I am sorry that my people tried to arrest you." Hawke wanted to run in to his arms. Cullen was not angry with her. He even made it out that he was paying her. "I have come up with a story to help protect you."

All Hawke's men were on the edge of their seats but not to hear the story. "I have a bad feeling." Cullen leaned on the table. Hawke stared at his shoulder. Even out of his armor his body was hard.

"Since none of your friends cannot protect you from everything, I at least made the Templars look away. To the Templars here in Kirkwall at least you are on loan from the Wardens. Some of them have heard of an Amell that is in the order. Others say that it is a Hawke in the order. I have told my men both are you." At that very moment all Hawke wanted to do was hit her Templar. However he was trying to help. She had to remain calm. She didn't even know that these were her own feeling.

"That is her cousin and her brother you fool man. All it takes is one curious Templar or seeker and they would find out the truth." Anders said.

"The Mage is right. What are you going to do about that Templar?" Anders and Fenris stood up. One on either side of the table. Anders arms were crossed over his chest. Fenris let his hand glow ready to take the man's heart. Varric walked over the table towards Cullen. Her men were trying to get rid of him but Cullen stood up facing they. He faced down 10 blood mages alone and survived. So say his men. What were three men?

"You Ser are not welcome in my home." Varric gave Cullen his angry smile. Hawke saw the line around his eyes that told her that he did not appreciate the story. "Hawke has sufficient protection. We do not need to have a potential enemy in the mix."

"You already have one." Cullen said calmly.

"Who?" Aveline asked.

"The Mage." Anders grew harder. "Do you think that I wouldn't know? I can feel the fade through you. There is only one reason. You are an abomination. A twisted one at that." Cullen went up to Anders. "You are corrupting the spirit as mages corrupted the black city. Mark my words Alexandra. He will betray you."

"You don't have to tell me that." Hawke came out from behind Aveline. "I know that Anders will go all psycho on me one day. I know that Varric will hand me over to the enemy for the right price. I also know that Fenris will tear my heart at the first sign of corruption. That doesn't stop me from having them as my friends. I even count you among my friends despite the fact you are a Templar now."

"I knew that as a Templar I could find you and protect you when I got you in the circle. When I met you here I gave up on that idea."

"Good. Now as the man said get out of his home." Cullen sighed leaving. As the door closed Hawke sat on the table. She stood up to him. He insulted her friends. He insulted her.

So why did her own chest hurt seeing him leave. It was the same feeling seeing Fenris leaving. "I am going home." Hawke didn't know where that came from but she couldn't look at her loved ones to see their expression. Why was this all going wrong?

Arms came around her shoulders. "Everything you said was true but know that we love you anyway." Fenris whispered in her ear.

"Hawke-"

"Don't say it Ave. Just bring me a bottle of wine and we will talk over supper." Hawke kissed Fenris' cheek before pulling away. "Is there anything on the plate today?"

"Nothing."

"Hawke. Alexandra." She put her hand up to her elf.

"I just need some rest. All I am asking for is a day off."

"Rest well than my love." Fenris kissed her forehead.

"I will be there as soon as I get off work." Nodding she left the room.

On the main floor she found Cullen against the wall. Isabela held a dagger to his throat until she saw Hawke. Only after sex had Hawke seen the pirate that happy.

"Is this man trying to circle you or kill you Hawke?" Isabela took a protective stance next to her.

"No Bela. He came to pay me for the work I did last night." Isabela narrowed her eyes. "Honest to the Maker."

"Than you shall live." Cullen left without another word. What could he say? They were even more protective since yesterday.

"Hawke-" He started.

"Just go Alex. There is no place for you here. We are a band of mercenaries. That is no place for a Templar should be seen."

"Neither is a brothel making love to a whore." Instinct kicked in then. Hawke pulled Isabela's dagger from the pirate's back taking a swing at Cullen.

Why had he said that? They both knew that he meant her but something made him angry enough to snap at her. Now she was trying to kill him. Funny how jealousy could do that so someone.

"Alexander Cullen," She had him on his knees. "If you ever liken me to a whore again I will kill you."

He watched leave him to the mercy of the pirate.


	8. Chapter 8

Detour

Chapter 8

Ever punctual Aveline showed up at 5. The girls went to Hawke's study to relax. It was short lived. Orana had just brought them their supper when Hawke heard her uncle yelling in the main room.

"What is wrong Gamlen?"

"Where is your mother?" Hawke began to descend the stairs. Aveline watched.

"Last I heard she was heading to your house."

"She never showed." Hawke look to Aveline.

"Maybe you just missed her." Hawke offered just as she saw the white Lilies on her mantle.

"Those came for the lady today. Maybe she is with the suitor that sent them." Bodahn offered.

"Aveline." Hawke pointed to the flowers. "I know something about these flowers."

"I am on it. We will find her." Aveline said.

"Gamlen head back to your house. Hopefully you just missed her." Hawke left her house. The one closet to her was Fenris. If anyone could find Hawke's mother it could be him.

Hawke passed the Chantry as Cullen walked down the stairs. It was obvious that she was in a hurry. Her cheeks glittered in the moon light. What was going on? Cullen followed her taking her arm as she beat on a door.

"Alexandra?" The door opened. Hawke's eyes were flooded the second she saw the elf.

"Hawke?"

"He has her." Fenris vanished into the house. "We have to find her before he hurts her."

"Who has who Alexandra?" Cullen held her still.

"The White Lily Killer took my mother." Cullen let her fall to the ground. He needed to wake his patrol.

Until now he never believed that the serial killer really existed. Now that bastard had Lady Leandra. The hell if he was going to leave this fully on Hawke's hands. She would take all the blame on herself if the unthinkable happened. By the maker he wouldn't let it.

Fenris pulled her to her feet. "Where did your Templar go?"

"He said he would get help."

"So you will have the Templars, Aveline and her guards no doubt. She was with you? So we need Anders and Varric. They were talking diamondback this morning. Hopefully they are at the Hanged Man."

"Why Anders?" Hawke was shocked. "You hate Anders." Her elf hid his feeling well but this hurt him. "You don't. You were just jealous of him." what a time for revelations.

"We will need a healer if she is harmed." Hawke hugged him. "When we find this bastard, I will use everything I am to get her back."

Lucky for them Varric as well as Anders were talking to Cullen at the Hanged Man. The three man dropped all talk to look at Hawke and Fenris. Hawke looked at them just as blankly as any tranquil. Funny how a kidnapping pulls people together.

"Tell me where you saw her!" Gamlen's voice drowned out the music. Hawke's eyes grew wide as she bolted out the door. All the men followed her.

"I saw her there helping a man who fell down the stairs." A street rat said cowering from Gamlen. The boy told the story. It was Varric that saw the blood first.

"Hawke?" They chased as the woman ran from puddle to puddle. When they ended up at the foundry the men grumbled.

"I knew we should have checked better." Fenris said.

"No we should have burned it down." Varric replied.

"You found clues here before?" Cullen asked.

"We found the remnants of two other women but there was nothing else. It was a dead end. Don't you read the report that we handed in?" Cullen sighed. No he didn't. Had he found there was really some substance to this he would have stopped it sooner.

Hawke continued to chase the puddles. When she stopped. That corner had barrels on it last time. Hawke had thought about that night more times than was healthy. There had to be something that she missed. Now she knew.

Cullen watched the look on her face change. The pale wide eyed panic turned to hard ice blue hatred. There was nothing that any of them could say to calm down.

"That bastard hurt her he will find his end faster than you can cast Arcane Bolt." Anders and Hawke said. Cullen knew then that she was channeling her empathy. How else would she know what the other Mage had to say?

It wasn't long before they found a body. It was another victim that Hawke knew the name of. The woman was already dead. Hawke took no time with the body moving on to another room that had a painting of a young Leandra. One more room found an older man standing next to a chair.

"Leandra was so sure that you would come." He said. This was a very powerful Mage with strong ties to the fade. They were going to have their hands full.

Cullen looked towards Hawke and Anders. If he made the magic drain from the room Anders would not be able to heal Leandra. If he didn't the blood mage would kill at least one of them.

"Where is she?" The mage rambled on about the power of love then the woman in the chair stood up. The woman turned moving like a puppet with freshly cut strings. Hawke's eyes grew large again as her jaw fell into the deep road.

Varric made the first attack. Hawke was too dumb struck to do more than walk to her mother. All the lines on the body were stitches. Leandra's eyes were white. Not her own. This monster pieced together a woman by killing a dozen others.

Cullen saw Fenris shift blue then invisible as the pair attacked. Cullen seemed to instinctively knew how Fenris was fighting though he could not see the elf. It was a similar style to what Carver used to be taught.

Demons appeared but it didn't phase Hawke. The fighting around her did not even make her blink. The second she touched her mother the two collapsed together. None could hear what was said between mother and daughter.

What Cullen saw was Leandra's new hand fall from her daughter's face. Hawke gentle placed her head down. The woman that rose was not the Hawke they all knew. Flames engulfed one arm. Ice on the other. Blue light made her eyes even brighter. That was how her father looked the moment Cullen's father withdrew his sword from Alexandra.

"What is your name Friend?" The ghostly echo in her voice made everyone back away. Cullen knew that this was not a demon. This was a flare in her magic. If she ever was trained properly she would be he most powerful mage on all of Thedas. Heaven help any one that got in her way. Even the Divine.


	9. Chapter 9

Detour

Chapter 9

This man had crossed the line. He harmed her last surviving family member. Nothing could save him now. Hawke felt her soul snap before there was black. "My name is Quentin."

"Know mine." Hawke drew her father's staff. "My name is Alexandra Andraste Hawke. Take that name to the Maker and beg for forgiveness." When she flung herself at the man at the same moment Cullen reached for her. He needed the Mage alive.

The wind storm from the back lash of magic knock Cullen and the others over. None of them could see anything through the dirt cloud that it had created. Fenris tried to enter the cloud but was thrown back. Anders tried to dispel the cloud and was sent through a bookshelf for his troubles. Cullen stopped Varric from shooting the ground next to it. It would do no good. They would just have to wait. It wasn't long either.

As suddenly as is it started the dust settled around, not on, Hawke. Save the blood that covered her body she was clean. Cullen could feel no fade in the area. She had used all she was in that attack. It had been all four elements. That took a lot of magic. Cullen scanned deeper to see if the fade still held her soul but found nothing.

Her name was spoken making her turn to the men she brought. By now the other Templars as well as Aveline and her guard had arrived. Everything came too late. Aveline fell to the ground where Leandra lay. Cullen could see that the Guard Captain would also be out for blood.

All any one would do until she spoke was watch her. Hawke had a sword in one hand and the other a head with a dagger sticking out one of the eyes. Her eyes no long glowed blue. Though still hard. She was so much like her father. Cullen has a feeling that Malcolm would be blaming himself for Hawke's transformation.

"Here is the serial killer. He is all yours." Hawke tossed the head to the feet of the two captains. "Fight over it if you wish." Anders rushed to her to cast his healing but she waved him off. "Can someone take my mother's body to the chantry. Varric that money Cullen gave us today, use it for the funeral. I want it fitting for the women that this monster killed. Use the house fund to if need be." As she said it a realization soften her eyes making her body slump. The sword fell from her hand as she fell to her knees.

"None of the women deserved what he did. All they wanted was to be loved." Hawke's eyes began to tear up looking up at the two men she loved. Fenris and Cullen exchanged a glance. It was one that only two men in love with the same woman could share.

Fenris picked up one Hawke. Cullen the other. A Templar followed behind them with the body of Elessa. Cullen took Leandra to the Chantry. Fenris took Hawke home. She didn't argue with this. The funeral would take two days.

All she had to do was stay calm. Cullen knew she wouldn't succeed in that. She was the only Hawke. When she was younger she was very protective of her family. Hawke would consider this a failure. All she had left was an uncle not worth her time.

Fenris set her down in the front hall so that he may lock the door. Bodhan was there. "Bodhan get Orana to draw a bath. Send word to Gamlen. Hawke is home now." Fenris said in a steady commanding voice.

Hawke needed him to think for her right now. Leandra was dead by Hawke's own failure. The whole thing should not have been done. Quentin should not have been allowed to live once they found out he was a blood Mage in the circle. However Orsino knew. The first Enchanter knew everything. Quentin had told her while they were in the cloud.

"The lady's bath is ready." Orana said quietly to Fenris.

"Alexandra." Everything was so foggy to Hawke. Everything but Fenris. "I want you to go take a bath and relax. I am going to chantry to have Elthia work on the funeral herself so it is done the way you want. I shall return."

Hawke kissed him lightly. "Hurry back. I am so cold." There was nothing that Fenris could do she was in shock. The arrangements needed to be done. "I love you. You are too good to me." His hands cupped her face. Hawke saw his face twist in pain. But it still made her feel empty.

"I will be home soon my love. Just relax. You will get warm again." The puppet Hawke went with her maid to the bath. Fenris hated himself for leaving. He needed to feel useful. At this point there was nothing he could say.

Fenris was right. The bath did make her feel more human. However she was still cold. Bodhan made the fire larger while Sandal moved a chair for Hawke to sit in next to it. They all stayed back waiting for her to need them or for her elf to come back. None of the three servants could help her mistress in this matter. She needed her elf. That was not the person that came by first though.

"So did you find her?" Orana gasped at Gamlen's voice.

"I am sorry uncle. I was too late." Hawke stood to face her uncle. He deserved that much.

"Where is Leandra?" Her uncle yelled. Hawke's nose felt tight as her eyes filled again. "What happened to her?" He asked quieter seeing her face.

"A crazy Mage has been killing woman in Kirkwall to rebuild his dead wife. Mother and the dead wife had the same face."

"Quentin?" Hawke looked up in shock. Gamlen knew the man. "Your mother was not the only one in our family to run away with a mage. Alessandra, our older sister also did it but she died in child birth. That is why our parents were so dead set on Leandra leaving."

"Quentin seemed very familiar with her." Hawke whisper putting things together in her head.

"Did he make her suffer?"

"Yes but I made him suffer more. Then I beheaded him."

"Good." Gamlen held her by the shoulders. "Your mother would not be happy about he pain that you caused but he deserved it." He let her go. "Malcolm would be proud. Leandra and Alessandra can rest in peace." Hawke was amazed that Gamlen acted like he was part of the family not just some leech. "What are you doing about the funeral?"

"Fenris is deal with the funeral arrangements. I think that he will need your help since I know next to nothing about the Amells here."

"I will deal with it then my dear. You go up an try to rest." Gamlen turned to the door. "Good evening my dear?"

Hawke tried to sleep but as soon as she tried to close her eyes she saw her mother's disjointed body limping towards her. She paced back and forth until there was a knock on the door. Looking up she saw Fenris. "I don't know what to say but I am here." He dropped his sword next to the mantle.

"You don't have to say anything. I know how much I failed. I don't need someone I love tell me that it wasn't what it was. What I need is for you to hold me until I can't cry anymore."

"That I can do my love." He pulled her into this chest. A second later she was in full tears. Fenris watched the sun coming up through her window as she finally fell asleep. When she woke it was not the elf that stood over her.

"Aveline?"

"Your mother asked me to give this to you if she ever passed unnaturally. That was when we were waiting to the boat to come here." Aveline gave her a small box. "It is from your father. She was planning to give it to you on your next birthday."

When both Hawke's hand touched it the lid opened. The smell of lilacs, strawberries and lyrium filled their noses. "My daughter, Alexandra, you are my first, my brightest child. I know that I will not be there when you turn 26 but I need to tell you things. Twenty six is how old I was when I fell enchanted with your mother. I spent forever before I raided your mother's mask ball to tell her that I loved her. Please don't wait that long." Hawke knew that her father was 30 when they ran away to Ferelden together.

"If your mother is not the one to give you this please don't feel it is your fault. I know she will be here again with me. I don't want whatever happened to jade you. So much has happen to me and your mother. As I watch you sleep here I wish I could have given you the life your mother dreamed of but I know that this will just make you stronger. No one can take the pain away as you get older you will find that you will wake up and be okay with it." Hawke threw the box.

How could he say that? It was already her fault. Her fault that he died. Her fault that he died. Her fault that Bethany faced the ogre alone. Her ideas to take Carver to the deep road. Now they were all gone. All dead. All her fault.

"I remember this." Cullen said picking up the box.


	10. Chapter 10

Detour

Chapter 10

Cullen picked up the box. The night they found out that Alexandra was pregnant Malcolm brought him to the workshop to show him this box. "This is something that my daughter has to listen to. I know that she will not want to but you have to make her. Hold her hand to the bottom if she refuses. Do you understand me Alexander?" She was given it now. Of all the rotten timing. Cullen sighed bringing the box back to her.

"I am not going to listen to how my father had so much faith in me when I have failed him." The angry Hawke was back. He didn't care. He promised her father. Even if she tried to kill him he would make her listen. He placed the box in Aveline's hands.

"Now Lexie this is for your own good." Cullen said taking Hawke's hands. "Put it in her hands." She fought. She kicked. To no avail. The box opened.

"By now I know that you have thrown this box at least once. Ever my daughter. Fighting what is good for you." Hawke's shoulder slumped. Malcolm always knew how to calm his daughter down.

"I taught you everything about magic and the fade. I have taught you to hide and I fear that is what you will do after this major event. Know that that is not what I want for you. Don't hide behind the hollow smile and barbs." She grunted as if it was an inside joke.

"You are the most gorgeous Hawke in the world. Let the world know that. Let them see you for what you are. I will be be with you. Always remember that we walk with you. When they see you they see all of us. Carver's stubbornness. Bethany's wide eyed wonder. Your mother's kind heart. My skills. You have a strong name filled is centuries of heroes before you. Make them remember our names for centuries to come." Hawke whimpered.

"When the Wardens come to you it is up to you if you join them but please help them. Our blood is tied to them." Cullen was starting to pull away. Tied to the Grey Wardens? What was this about?

"I expect you have already made me proud. Kirkwall will sing your name until the next blight. I love you Alexandra Andraste Hawke." The smells faded. The lid closed as it clunked to the floor. Aveline was gone.

"I hate you Alex." Hawke said in a whisper.

"Why?" He rubbed away the tears on her face. "I just did as your father asked."

"Why? There was no reason to make me listen to that." Her eyes were so cold now. "I would have been fine in a few days. Now I know I failed my father. Thank you for that."

"You could never fail him. You father knew you are doing the best you can. He is what they call a dreamer."

"As far as I know they don't predict the future." Cullen could say nothing to that. There had been never been one in Ferelden. "Alex-"

"Did it hurt? Hearing your father's voice again?" When her hands touched his face he jumped a little. "Lexie, I still love you. I don't want to hurt you. Your father said that this would help after. He did-" Hawke put a finger to his lips.

"Shut up Templar." She leaned in. "I still love you too." Cullen met her lips. She leaned into he kiss maker him place an arm around her waist. Hawke pulled him to stand. For once he was glade he wasn't wearing his heavy enchanted plate. Watching Hawke undress him made him feel that they were just man and woman not Mage and Templar.

Her lips went around one of his nipples. Cullen felt the same static rush that he had when they were kids. Malcolm said it was the same as with her parents. It was a sign that they were meant to be together forever.

"Alex you are thinking too much again." Her eyes still held the hard anger, and the watery sadness. At least for now he would make her forget everything.

Cullen changed that second. He lifter her off the ground laying her on the bed. "Are you telling me I should only think of you?" He said playfully. This is what Hawke needed. Something to take her mind off what happened in some silly little diversion. She would beg Fenris for forgiveness later.

"Of me. Or parts of me." She smiled back.

"Certain parts I do like but you are more than the sum of your parts and I want to show you what I mean." Their lips met again. Hungrier this time. Hawke's hands went into his spiky blond hair. For a moment she mourned his soft curls he had as a child. Then Cullen lightly bit down on her nipple. She gasped arching to it. "What was that about thoughts?"

"I was thinking about you and the curls you had." Cullen smirked going back to the nipple he started with. His hands moved down farther to get the nightie off her. She knew where he was going. Unlike Fenris Cullen made love the same way every time. Maybe in part to lack of experience. Maybe because he knew she liked it predictable occasionally. When she didn't want to think about things.

"Alex-" He came up to her kissing her.

"Don't talk. Don't think. Just feel." Hawke could feel him entering her moaning with ever inch. It was a little painful but she could handle it. Cullen wrapped her legs around as he pushed in a second time. Soon she was so into it she did not want it to stop.

That was when Cullen moved her legs. This was new. He was enjoying being on his side while Hawke was on her back. Their legs intertwined as he thrust up. Her orgasms came faster too. Cullen's face was in her shoulder as he groaned louder. He was trying to make it last longer but she felt so good when she erupted around him.

"Alex!" She screamed as her body convulsed around him. When it was over she changed them again so that she was on top. Her hips began to rock. Cullen was lost in the Mage. She was coming close again. "Join me."

"Yes Lexie." He met her rocking with thrusts of his own until she slowed. Cullen took it there thrusting until neither could stand it anymore. The release was more everything than he had ever known.

Hawke collapsed next to him where she stayed for the rest of the day. Cullen was not there for long though. He kissed her cheek. "No matter what Lexie you are mine."

"Always Fenris." She murmured.

Hawke felt so much better now that the dream was over. There was no way she could fail her mother like that. She stretched. The cool evening air on her naked skin made her smile. The grumbling belly got her attention.

Hawke dressed heading down the stairs. Fenris stood with a Chantry sister talking to Orana. Everyone wore the the black tie of death on their fore arm. Aveline walked up to her hugging her.

"Who died Aveline?" The guard captain pulled away. "Come on can't be that bad."

"Hawke the wake for your mother is tonight. The funeral is in the morning." Varric said.

"No. That was just a nightmare. Mother is up in her room." Gamlen walked with his daughter, both dressed in black head to toe. Hawke backed away into the arms of Fenris. His eyes watered. That was the face that broke Hawke.


	11. Chapter 11

Detour

Chapter 11

She screamed as if this was suddenly real to her. Yesterday her mother was here and now they were mourning the death of the lady. Fenris just held her as she kept repeating a single word. No. Her screams could wake the dead according to Varric when they brought her mother's remains in.

"Some times good bye is a second chance." Orana said after she sang. The elven songs of the dead were gorgeous yet still filled with pain. Hawke never stepped foot near Leandra's body. She would not talk to anyone so Fenris just brought her up to her room.

There she cried again until dawn. When she was finally asleep Fenris got off the bed to help Orana clean. This time he would be here when she woke. Fenris' foot touched something that clanged on the floor. As soon as he picked it up it started to react.

The box's lid opened. He could smell Hawke's perfume. Fruity yet flowery. Maybe that is what her home smelled like.

"I am not sure if you remember me. My name is Malcolm Hawke. Yes Alexa's father. Before Denarius did this to you your name was Leto. I am sure you and my daughter know that. What I am sure that you don't remember is that the child that Hawke lost as a child was really yours." Fenris turned to the sleeping woman. He was the father? Not Cullen?

"Denarius was not getting strong enough children from the mixing your blood with his apprentice." Wait, what was going on? Why did Denarius want Fenris' children?

"He had been in the circle at Kirkwall when I was a child. The magic research he was doing was that of Dalish rites. When he left he swore that he would be back for me. He would need my blood to finish his experiments. As I got older, Denarius started to send me letters. The second I was old enough I was allowed to leave to help the Grey Wardens. I never came home. I took Leandra to Ferelden. There we had the kids. Denarius still found us." Maker! Fenris was starting to remember something long ago. A girl's face crying over her Father's grave as Denarius told him plans to kidnap the girl.

"Denarius' whole plan was to find a female child of my blood so that he could breed the perfect being. The rite that you were a part of was meant for the child that Denarius had you make with my daughter."

Maybe this is why Danarius always wanted Hadriana to get pregnant. None of the children that Fenris has fathered survived to birth. That was part Hadriana's drug use and part the work that Danarius was doing to her. The idea of being the father of her child disgusted him. The dream of Hawke giving his a daughter was always on his mind. How did her father know that Cullen was not the father?

"Your former master had no right to tear you from the girl you were falling for. He had no right to force you to force yourself on her. Though knowing my daughter it wasn't really force. She cared a great deal for you while you were here. Alexander Cullen is not destined to be the man that Fathers her children. He was never the son in law that I wanted so I made his sterile." What a thing to do to a child. No one would know what he would become.

"I died placing a spell on Your Hawke." Fenris smirked. How did Malcolm who had been dead for 10 years know all Fenris would be here. "As well as you. I knew that the rite he was going to use was incomplete so I put a spell on you to forget the more painful parts. The rite is called 'The people's love'. As you are well aware there is no love in Denarius. As you get to know my daughter again she will help you unlock some. All I ask is that you don't let Denarius have her. If he gets her I know that you will follow. If you do that he will have what he wants. I have seen no good come of this. Promise to protect my Alexa no matter the cost."

"I promise, Malcolm Hawke that your daughter shall never become a play thing to anyone." As if the box smiled a drawer opened with a pair of rings in it.

"Those were my Father's rings." Hawke's voice made him jump. "One was enchanted to help his weld his sword faster and the other extended the length of his magic."

"It would seem that he wanted us to have them." Hawke simply nodded.

"Fenris I didn't realize that the elf boy I met then was you. You look nothing a like. That boy had black hair, soft green eyes, and not nearly as handsome as you are."

"It seems that I forced myself on you." She snorted.

"Hardly." She held him around the waist. "That boy was soft, pleasurable. He did everything that he to make me happy. Which is something that you do every time we make love."

"Hawke-"

"Fenris trust me." He sighed.


	12. Chapter 12

Detour

Chapter 12

Hawke had a feeling that that was not all her father had to say. So she went to Cullen's office the next day looking like someone had beating her up. Hopefully he wouldn't question the bruises.

"Knight Captain Cullen, Serah Hawke is here."

"Why?" The tranquil said nothing for she knew nothing. "Let her in." Hawke waltzed in as nothing had happened.

"Serah Hawke!" Cullen's eyes widen as Hawke sat across from him. "Have you seen a healer?"

"Yeah."

"What in all the Fade happened?"

"While you were defending the city I had a run in with Meredith and the Arishok." Cullen practically leaped over the table to check her over. Hawke just sighed.

Anders had the same reaction when her saw her get out of bed this morning. For Hawke this was not out of the ordinary. The timing for these horrible events made it annoying.

"There is no rest for the wicked." He kissed her hard. "Alex stop I am better now."

"I didn't hear names but I heard the person the faced down the Qunari was on their death bed holding the viscount's crown."

"I held the man's hand as he passed to the Maker's side." It hurt to smile but the irony was there. "There I was dying right next to him and he gave me the crown. He told me how his son spoke highly of my compassion. Anders showing up was the last thing I remember. I woke an hour ago."

"That was four days ago." She nodded. So she had heard.

"That is not why I am here."

"The Maker gave you nine lives." It was very awkward to hug both dressed in armor but Cullen was determined to hug her. "I don't care why you came just that you are alive."

Fenris cleared his throat. Hawke had a feeling that Cullen hadn't realized that he was there. Especially when Cullen tried to hold her tighter. "We are here for a reason." She pulled from his arms.

Cullen watched as she pulled the jewelry box from her cloak. "I don't know for sure but there was a message for Fenris in this too. I want to know what my father has to say to you."

"I held it with you."

"No you held my hands on it. It seems to need skin touching it." Cullen reluctantly took off his gloves. "If nothing happens I will know what my father wants of me."

"I didn't hear a request." Cullen said. Did he forget something?

"We shall see." Hawke dropped the box into his hands. It took a moment longer than with Hawke or Fenris.

"So it looks like you are still with Alexa. Problem is the same is before if you are to change the world for the mages and the loved ones you cannot be together. She needs to walk her path with Leto."

"Wasn't that the elf that raped you?" Cullen asked. Hawke took Fenris' hand when the elf stiffened.

"The cursed one will fall at my daughter's hands. That will give you the command that you need to help her in the long run."

What was her father planning?

"This better not be his fool idea that mages could live as normal people." Hawke groaned.

"The end of the world is coming. A sixth blight is coming over the horizon. The three of you need to be ready to fly when the ground falls out from under you." Had her father been talking to Flemeth in secret? Why was this just bringing up more questions?

"The Wardens have always been a huge part of the Hawke family name. When they come for Hawke don't force the issue. Another this before I leave off with you. Your future lies with an apostitute." Hawke started laugh. Fenris snorted rolling his eyes. It was a joke that Isabela made.

"Alexa I know that you are listening to this. I am sorry that I can not guide you more than this but I knew that I would die at the hands of a Templar. Don't be like me. Live your life for you and your loved ones. We have seen your life past Kirkwall. This is where you need to be and I hope that you remember what I taught you. Your children will also benefit from my experience, as well as your own. If I could be there I would. I love you, my gorgeous, witty, wise daughter." The box closed again turning from gold to wood. The enchantment was no longer on it.

"Thank you for time." Hawke stood up. There was a knock on the door.

"Wait Hawke what is an apostitute?" In walked Maggie in a some what more revealing version of the Circle robes.

"Hawke?" The girl bowed to Hawke. "Alexander said I would probably not see you again." Both Fenris and Hawke raised an eyebrow as her use of the knight captain's first name.

"It was a freak accident that I found something that Cullen needed to see." She said heading to the door.

"Hawke was is-"

"Cullen you know the answer already. Just remember that my father is never wrong." Hawke left with the feeling that her father left out the most important thing.

Not a week later Hawke was attacked in her own home. By the Carta thugs.

"What in the fade did you do this time Lexie?" Cullen had come over for supper to discuss the matter with Meredith not allowing Hawke to take the thrown when she was attacked. Varric had pulled Fenris into a game of wicked grace so there was no extra protection in the house.

"The Hawke." One of the dwarves said. It was as if he was talking to a lover. Nothing to date had freaked Hawke out as this did right now. Her name in a delighted moan from someone wanting to kill her.

"I have no idea. I try not to deal with the Carta." There was no reason for the Carta to be after her. "Remind me to ask my favorite dwarf to look into this." She said as she burnt a dwarf to ash. "Varric might find something."

"You are going to trust a dwarf to rat out other dwarves?" Cullen said cleaning off his sword. "Don't they all band together?"

"If it was me, Varric will do anything. He is very loyal to me." Bodahn and Orana come out of the kitchen when they heard the fighting stop. "Bodahn I want you to get someone to fix this up in the morning. Also I think it is high time we take Fenris' advice. I can't be here all the time."

"Yes My Lady."

"In the mean time I will post Templars outside your door." She spun on the spot.

"You will do no such thing Alexander Cullen. The last thing I need is for Templars outside my door freaking out my friends and neighbors." Hawke saw him grab his side as he laughed. "Oh you great fool you got hurt." Hawke sighed at the size of the cut. "He got you really well. You are not leaving here until I patch you up."

"Would you like your kit mistress?" Orana asked.

"Bath first then he can go to the spare room so that I can sew him up."

"Why not your room?" Hawke say the twinkle of arousal.

"You are not getting blood on my new bedding. The spare room was Gamlen's so the bedding is pretty old. I am sure that you will be fine there."

Cullen loved her enameled bath tub. Just the right length for him to line in. Orana always made it the right temperature to easy sore muscles. If it wasn't for the foot long gash along is left rib cage to his hip he would be the happiest man in all of Thedas.

"Come on lazy bones. If we don't get that fixed up you are not going to live long enough to give Maggie children."

"That Mage is not the mage I was to give kids to." Hawke blushed slightly seeing him step out of the tub. "Now lady healer where you like me to go?"

"Wrap this around yourself and get in the room. I have stopped the blood for now but you could still bleed out."

He followed her noticing that she was wearing her leather skirt. He liked this skirt on her. She never wore small clothes with it because it 'was too uncomfortable'. He laughed at her then and now. He understood why she wore it but not why she did now. For sure she wouldn't need to protect herself or him now.

He laid on his other hip so she could sew him up. Hawke was very skilled at her healing now. Probably the training of that Warden from Ferelden. She was practicing combat with that elf as well as made him her lover. Magic with the Warden. She had completely replaced her father and him. It only took her 10 years from what Cullen heard from the guard captain. Hawke has been scion of her family for a long time before they acknowledged here in Kirkwall.

Why, then, did Cullen worry about her every second of everyday? She was a fierce warrior, a wise Mage, and a graceful woman. She was meant for something other than wanting to fight all the time. Had their fathers not killed the other they would be in Ferelden. They would have died in the Blight.

Cullen would never have let her use her powers. Seeing what she is now he could honestly tell himself that they would have died. So why did this not seem right? Why did he still wish for her to be his?

"If I am hurting you, you can tell me. I wont take offense." Cullen sighed. "Alex?"

"Had I not outed you to my father we would be dead now."

"What?"

"I was just thinking about how skilled you have become with these new people. Had you stayed with me and your father I would not have allowed you to get as skilled as you are. I would have forced the issue."

"Then when I had my half elf baby and Denarius came for me and the baby we all would have died. We would never had made it to the blight. If by some miracle we did make it that long I would not had the strength to protect us from the Dark spawn."

Cullen turned to his back. "So what do we do now?"

"You go back to your tower. I find a way to stay out of your hair. Honestly Alistair is asking for people to come home. With this new attack on my home I am thinking that we may just go home help rebuild Ferelden."

"First find out why they are hunting you down. If the Carta finds that you have left they may follow you."

"Alex-" He sat up feeling the bandage on his hip.

"I am going home." The door swung open with Fenris and Varric looking like they had just run the whole way from the Hanged Man.

"Hawke?" Fenris pulled her into his arms. She sighed. Cullen saw her whole body relax.

"I told you elf. She is fit as a fiddle." Varric said half smiling in relief. Cullen smiled taking the tower around himself

"You men are here to protect you now. I will have Orsino look at this when I get back." Cullen said leaving the room.

It was not Orsino he found first. Maggie stood at his chamber door. "I had a horrible dream that you were hurt."

Malcolm had said that this Mage was the one for him. She may not be Hawke but she seemed devoted to him. "Did you have a healer look after it." Cullen reached to remove the tears from her face.

"Hawke looked at it. Why don't you get me a real healer?" The girl's eyes widen running away from him. Cullen entered the room. The pain was coming back he noticed as he pulled his tunic off. He tossed it to his bed. Malcolm's box sat on his nightstand. Once Hawke had left the box turned gold again.

"I told you she would be better without you. I know that you understand. Maggie is your future. Believe in her now that she is being formally trained you will bring order back to Kirkwall. My daughter is not one to stay idle long. She will leave and you can do nothing about it."

"I hate that you are always right Mal." Cullen tossed the box into the fire. "Always right. Yet you were still the fool to leave her." The fire sputtered and coughed with the new addition. "I would have given her the world."

"Alex who are you talking to?" Maggie came in the room.

"An old friend." Hawke would live her life. Cullen could only live his. Looking at the mage in his room right now Cullen hoped that Malcolm knew what he was doing.

The end


End file.
